The Very Serious Problem of English Orthography

I am writing this article to right a wrong that has long plagued our American society. I think we all know what I’m talking about. That’s right. The alphabet! For generations those innocent looking ABC’s have confounded preschoolers and other learners of English. How many needless hours are spent in front of countless kid shows, all trying to teach kids their letters. Then when they learn their letters, they have to learn the sound it makes. Furthermore, because our alphabet is inefficient so is our spelling. Our spelling doesn’t make any sense at all. We need to fix our orthography (the methodology behind written language).

You may think this is a joke, but this is serious business. I mean it! Think about how much a better, more efficient alphabet would save the economy. The English language is the business language of the world. While it is not the most spoken, it is by far the most important language of the world. The chief complaint many people have when learning English is how confusing it is. It has many rules and yet breaks all the rules. Pronunciation and spelling is exceedingly difficult for people. How much of our time is wasted in just trying to memorize how to spell when our time could be better used on other more important matters. Spelling Bees are big business right now and would be completely unnecessary if we had a more efficient alphabet and way of spelling. The English language and alphabet is not the worst culprit of inefficient writing systems. However, the English language could be more efficient, and changing it starts with our alphabet. Other languages have more accurate spelling standards. Spanish words are pronounced how they are spelled. The Spanish speakers are also willing to make changes to their alphabet when necessary. Just recently some letters, like the “ll,” was removed from being a letter in the alphabet. If the Spanish alphabet can change so can the English alphabet.

The reason English is so confusing is because English is a mutt language. It is derived from a mix of German and Latin based languages which have two totally different set of rules. It has then picked up words, sayings, and accents from wherever it was spread across the world, from India to Canada. While I’m not going to fix all inefficient English language rules just yet. We have to start at least with the alphabet, and subsequently, our spelling.

I’m not the first person to recognize the problem with a confusing alphabet and methods of spelling. Brigham Young recognized this problem when many of the saints from foreign countries were gathering to Utah and were experiencing difficulties with the English language. He decided to correct this and created the language of Deseret. Deseret sounded just like English when spoken, but was written completely different. Brigham Young commissioned George D. Watt and the board of regents of the University of Deseret (now University of Utah) to make a new alphabet and written language. George Watt is one of the most important persons in church history you’ve never heard of. He was the person who won the foot race to be the first Mormon convert in England. He was skilled in phonetics and in short hand. Many of the early sermons by LDS leaders were recorded by Watt in short hand. But I digress. In the language of Deseret each sound made is represented by its own letter. Each letter is written differently than the current alphabet we have. There was a total of 40 letters. The Book of Mormon is published in Deseret just in case you want one. This idea never caught on, in part because it was too drastic of a change and all those who already spoke English didn’t want to learn it. Brigham Young was onto something though. The alphabet does need to change, but not so much that it is too hard for people to transition.

So, let’s get started. First off, organization.  Why is the alphabet organized the way it is? Is it because that is the most efficient way? Nope. It’s because it was thrown together haphazardly after years of use. As the English language picked up more sounds, especially with Greek words, it added on more letters. Generally they were just tacked onto the end of the alphabet. That is why rarely used X, Y, and Z are found at the end, because they were picked up later. Why are the vowels interspersed at random throughout the alphabet? This is confusing and needs to be corrected. From now on the alphabet will list all the vowels first. That’s right, the ABC’s should be known as the AEI’s for the first letters of the alphabet AEIOU (except it won’t be AEI for reasons shown later). Y will be kicked out of being a vowel. Sorry, to all the Y-is-a-vowel nuts out there.

The next issue is pronunciation of the letters of the alphabet. Let’s separate the current pronunciations of the letters of the alphabet.

Ē sounds (as in tree) that come after the letter	E sounds (as in elephant) that come before the letter	A sounds – as in Aid	Letters that are pronounced like the sound it makes, except these letters make multiple sounds	Other – for some reason these letters don’t sound like their pronunciation, or are otherwise different
B - bee	F- ef	A – ā	A – ā (listed twice)	C - see
D - dee	L - el	J - jay	E – ē (listed twice)	G - jee
E -ee	M - em	K- kay	I - ī	H - āch
P - pee	N -en		O-ō	Q - cyoū
T – tee	S -es			R - ar
V- vee	X-ex			W – double ū
Z - zee				Y - wī
				U- yū

As you can see there seems to be no rhyme nor reason to why we pronounce the letters the way we do or why they are found in the place they are. The letters in the “other” category are especially confusing. Why do we state “double U” rather than “wū” At least we should more accurately call it “double V.” Furthermore, why is the Y pronounced with a W and the U pronounced with a Y? To correct the confusion, we could arrange the alphabet so all the letters are grouped together with other letters that sound like them, but a better option would be to rename all the letters of the alphabet so they are named by the same sound that they make. This would make sense. Currently, people have to memorize both the name of the letter and then the sound that it makes. If the name of the letter was the same as the sound that it makes it would make it much easier to memorize sounds and sound out words. From now on each letter, except for the vowels, will be pronounced with an “uh” after it, as in “but.” So it will sound like buh, cuh, duh, guh, huh juh, ruh, wuh, yuh, etc. U will now be pronounced “u”and no longer “you” with a Y in front.  

Now that we have a properly pronounced alphabet, it’s time to clean it up. Each sound we make in the English language should be represented by its own letter, within reason. This means that some new letters will be created and some will be cut out. K, Q, and X are now gone. They are unnecessary because they all make a C sound. K will be replaced by C, Q will be spelled by using a “cw,” and X will either be “ecs” as in exit, “ics” as in fix, or “egz” as in example.

The alphabet will grow however, because the vowels will no longer represent two to four different sounds. That is extremely confusing in pronouncing words. Because of this, you often have to have a word memorized before you can know the correct pronunciation. The current alphabet requires the use of silent letters to know the correct pronunciation, such as the silent E at the end of the word.

A pronunciation guide for our current alphabet lists the following vowels sounds:

a - about	ĭ – it, him, mirror
ă – ask, apple, map	ī – idle, fine
ā – able, bake, way	ō – over, bone know
ä – awesome, alms, father, call	o – on, mom
ĕ – ebb, met, second	ou –about, our, hour, now
ē – eat, mete, me	oo- book, look
er – permit, transfer	u – jump, up
	ū – rule, boot, two

As can be seen, this current system is confusing. The A makes four different sounds, and many of the sounds it makes parallel sounds that other vowels make. This makes for very perplexing scenarios. Why do “how” and “row” make completely different sounds? Why does “hour” and “tour” make two different sounds? How about “Our flour for four flowers flow?” Why is “war” not spelled “wor?” To fix this problem the new alphabet will convert over to the new system. Don’t get confused, the words will be pronounced exactly the same, just spelled differently. The hard sounds will have a line over the top of the letter. The soft sounds will look the same as they are now. Some of the A sounds will be replaced by other vowels. I have provided examples of what the new words will look like.

Old alphabet vowel pronunciations	Nū alfubet vawel prōnunsēāshuns
a – about, a	u – ubawt, u
ă – ask, apple, map	a – asc, apōl, map
ā – able, bake, way, weigh	ā – ābōl, bāc, wā, wā
ä – awesome, alms, father, call, mama	o – osum, olms, fothur, col, momo
ĕ – ebb, met, second	e – eb, met, secund
ē – eat, mete, me	ē – ēt, mēt, mē
er – permit, transfer	ūr – pūrmit, transfūr
i – it, him, mirror	i – it, him, mirrōr
ī – idle, fine	ī- īdōl, fīn
o – on, mom	o – on, mom
ō – over, bone know	ō – ōvur, bōn, nō
ou – about, our, hour, now	aw – ubawt, awr, awūr, naw
oo - book, look	Ø - bøc, løc
u – jump, up	u – jump, up
ū – rule, boot, two	ū – rūl, būt, tū

The most difficult things to get used to in this new alphabet will be using a U in place of an A in words like “about.” Also using and O instead of an A. The reason for these changes is that the A made four different sounds and crossed over into sounds the O and the U could do. To make it more even, the U and the O should reclaim their territory. Furthermore, replacing the “ou”sound (as in ouch) with “aw”will be tricky for some (it’s not “aw” as in awesome, it’s “a” as in apple with a “w” sound after it), but sound it out, “aw” is the best way to get that sound. “Ou” doesn’t make sense in the first place. Consider the word “throughout.” Why does it make both a “ū” and an “aw” sound? I don’t love replacing the “er” with an “ūr,” because placing an R behind the vowel changes the sound a little. We could either come up with a new vowel only to be used when an R follows it, or we can just make do with “ūr.” Until further notice, I have decided it’s best to use “ūr.”  The double O sound will now be its own letter in the alphabet becuase it makes a unique sound.

The sounds “th,” “sh,” and “ch” should receive their own letter because putting an H after the first letter, if pronounced phonetically, does not sound anything like the sound it is supposed to make. “Th”is now Ŧ, “sh”is now Σ, and “ch” will be Ͼ. “Wh” does not get its own letter because its sound so similar to the W that only perfectionists and language experts can notice a difference. Besides, everyone pronounces “wh” words incorrectly anyway (be honest, do you really say “which” or “whale” or is it wich and wale?). These new letters will be pronounced the same way they are spelled. 

So the new alphabet will have 31 letters and look like this: Ā, A, Ē, E, Ī, I, Ō, O, Ø, Ū, U, B, C, D, F, G, H, J, L, M, N, P, R, S, T, V, W, Y, Z, Ŧ, Σ, Ͼ. Remember to pronounce them correctly.

Spelling

Letters from now on will make the sound they are supposed to. Spelling is now a cinch, since each word will be spelled exactly how it sounds. The G will no longer sometimes be used as a J. The C will not make and S sound. Ph is replaced by F. Y at the end of the word is replaced with the Ē. There will be no silent E at the end of words since we know what sound the vowel should make. Double letters will be replaced by single letters, except for in cases where they really are necessary to get a correct pronunciation of the word. If double letters separate a word into two different syllables it needs a double letter.There will be no more silent K at the beginning of the word, or the silent “gh” at the end of a word. Under the new alphabet there will be no more silent H. No more trying to figure out whether its “tion,” “sion,” or “cion,” it’s now “Σun.” No more combinations of vowels that make different sounds. No more confusing I before E rule. From now on, each sound a vowel makes will have its own letter.

You may worry that writing all these extra lines over the vowels will make it longer to write. Just remember though that by putting that line over the top eliminates a lot of unnecessary letters that help you to know how to pronounce the word. In all, once you learn the new writing system it will be quicker.

Now that we got this down, let’s practice.

Naw ŧat wē got ŧis dawn, let’s practis.

The knight ran to the phone booth quickly.

Ŧu nīt ran tū ŧu fōn būŧ cwiclē.

Your year of yearning for a unicycle in Utah is unnecessary.

Yūr yēr uv yurning fōr u yūnisīcōl in Yūto is unnesesārē.

I like my eye in the sky around and throughout a cloud.

Ī līc mī ī in ŧu scī urawnd and Ŧrūawt u clawd.

How do you row your boat?

Haw dū yū rō yūr bōt?

Now see if you can get the next one.

Letūrs frum naw on wil māc ŧu sawnd ŧāor sūpōsd tū. Spelēng is naw u sintϾ, sints ēϾ letūr wil bē speld egzactlē haw it sawnds.

Their air up there is about to wind up as wind. On our hour of power are you to pour sweet sweat from our poor pores purely for a perfect purr? Please ask for peaceful pieces of peas.

Ŧer er up ŧer is abawt tū wīnd up as wind. On awr awūr uv pawūr or yū tū pōr swēt swet frum awr pōr pōrs pyūrlē fōr u pūrfect pūr. Plēs asc fōr pēsful pēses uv pēz.

This last example highlights both the benefits and a problems with the new alphabet. The new alphabet will help with homographs but will hurt homophones. Homographs are words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently. For instance: Wind up the wind; that bass can sing a low bass. Homophones are words that are spelled differently but are pronounced the same: to, two, too; they’re, their, there; pour, poor, pore. To solve the homophone problem the words in the new alphabet could be spelled differently. For instance, you could spell it tū, 2, tūū, and ŧāūr, ŧār, and ŧer.

So that gives you a brief overview of how we can solve the very serious problem of English language orthography. The next issue will be to discover if there is an easier way to show emphasis without putting accents everywhere. For instance, “eat your dessert in in the desert” would be confusing in the new alphabet without accents, “ēt yūr desūrt in ŧu desūrt.” Another issue is that people pronounce some words differently. To solve this there will have to be a committee to state the proper way of pronunciation and therefor spelling.

Another problem will be to change the keyboard. Changing the keyboard, won’t be too bad though. The keyboard needs a revision in the first place. Did you ever wonder why they put the letters where they did? Some of it is because it makes you type faster. However, the keyboard was also designed for typewriters and if you typed too fast it would jam the keys going up to stamp the paper. So the keyboard was purposely designed to slow you down so you didn’t jam the keys. Time for an upgrade.

Well, thanks for listening to my rant. Let’s get ŧu nū alfubet rōlēng!

Addendum

Reasons English Language is Hard to Learn

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

… Author unknown